The Year In: Popstar Parties

31 Dec

Happy New Year! It’s that time of the year when everyone freaks out about where and exactly with whom they’re going to spend an underwhelming, bitterly cold, vomit-concentrated evening. I can practically feel the dread of underage partiers raising their fake IDs to a bartender. It’s glorious, and so is partying: Cool kids do it with other cool kids. And they have good lives. There were plenty of parties in popular music this year, so let’s take a look at some of the best. Just a quick update: KP and Russell are divorcing; which is a huge loss for someone who thought that they sort of just made sense as a couple. Anyway, if The One That Got Away goes to number 1 (it’s at number 3) breaking MJ’s record, that will be incredibly bittersweet.

1. Party – Beyonce ft. J Cole

This is one of the grungier parties on the list. It’s also almost definitely the coolest one. Beyonce, J Cole (briefly), Solange and Kelly? Too much, B, too much. It’s a theme on this list to cram as many guest stars as you can in, which is probably fairly true to life. If cool kids come to your party, you’re a better person. That’s like Newton’s fourth law. Anyway, the camera work, Tumblr-visual styling is simply perfect. This video is as undeniable as 4 is sophisticated. Bravo, B. P.S B’s mouthing at 3.28 is exactly how I sing along to that part of the song. Soulmates.

Cool Factor: 8/10. INFLATABLES! Yes.

Would You Want To Be There: It’s Beyonce. Yes. INFLATABLES.

2. Till The World Ends – Britney Spears

Britney’s best track in years merited her best music video in years. It’s still not great though; there’s an awful lot of hand movements dressing up as actual dancing. We’re not stupid, Brit, I can do that in front of a webcam and pretend like I’m a pro, too. Still, it’s pretty slick and I think I like what they were going for. It looks a bit like the party version of Rihanna’s Disturbia (which was originally a Chris Brown song! I like acknowledging this fact at every given opportunity.) It would have been interesting to see how this video would have turned out with a more athletically sound popstar. But the final red jumpsuit reminded me of Oops! I Did It Again, so bonus points for that.

Cool Factor: 6/10. It just feels a bit … dirty.

Would You Want To Be There: It’s the end of world! No! Okay, maybe. If there were an open bar and I had had my shots.

3. Give Me Everything – Pitbull ft. Ne-yo, Afrojack & Nayer

Meeeeeeeeh. I feel like this would be an apt ringtone for the type of people who upload photos of themselves drinking from oversized bottles of vodka on Facebook. Also: strobe lighting. Make of that what you will.

Cool Factor: 1-10/10 (This must surely be based on how naff a human being you are.)

Would You Want To Be There: For my dignity, no. For my personal pleasure, yes please.

4. Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) – Katy Perry

The video that made a thousand Gleeks die of envy arrived in summer; KP simultaneously releasing a monster that would rule the airwaves and break MJ’s records. It’s a pretty wonderful video that indulges Katy’s silly side and provides the internet with a lot to talk about. Darren Criss’ introduction? Adorkable. Artie form Glee as the hero? Adorkabler. Hanson and Kenny G? Inspired. Likewise Corey Feldman and Debbie Gibson. And you couldn’t be quite so 2011 as having your music video starring Rebecca Black. Top marks all round, KP. This is what every end-of-year school party should be like.

Cool Factor: 3/10

Would You Want To Be There: 80s theme and Hanson? This is the only place I want to be. In the world. Ever.

5. Don’t You Want Me – Glee Cast

During Glee’s fantastic Blame It On The Alcohol, we were treated to a Blainchel duet of Don’t You Want Me. It was a pretty inspired choice; I’m almost certain everyone has sung this in karaoke at least once. It was pretty adorable on all counts, especially with the New Directions inebriation (that caused a 48 hour hangover- this does not happen.) Brittany’s doing her stripper thing, Santana’s doing her sassy thing, Mercedes and Tina are doing their hilarious thing and Artie’s doing his pervy thing. Finn is also there. To check out a very Glee party, the video’s below (the quality isn’t great, but it’s endearing okay. You know my writing; it’s like that.)

Cool Factor: 2/10 (C’mon now, this is Rachel Barry’s basement)

Would You Want To Be There: As Dianna Agron’s plus one, most definitely.

That’s all for 2011, folks! I hope you enjoyed it, writing for you has been a blast. Whatever 2012 brings (and apparently, it’s bringing the apocalypse) I’ll hopefully keep you up to date with everything pop-related. We’ve got some pretty exciting developments headed your way this next year and I have a feeling it’s going to pretty damn cool. From all of us, Jonah, Michael, Bal, Luke and myself; Happy New Year.

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2 Responses to “The Year In: Popstar Parties”

  1. Dell 8500 Battery January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    Kenny G was on a parade floar with sheep on it…so you can count them while hearing him air/finger/toungue. fake

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